Healthy relationships can bring us happiness and love and challenging relationships can provide opportunities for our personal growth and development. I have learned that our relationships are essential parts of our soul journeys in our lifetimes and that we have probably had long and complex histories with significant people in our lives from previous lifetimes. Your boss at work, your family and friends and people on the periphery of your life have probably spent several, many or even hundreds of previous lifetimes with. Remember that in previous lifetimes you may have been pious, sinful, aggressor, victim, saviour and saved in complex stories with people whom you now know and we keep changing roles and learning as we grow. Knowing this might make it much easier to be forgiving and accepting of those who we have challenging or difficult relationships with. Even people who treat us badly are in our lives for reasons and the reasons are always to help us to grow.
So what should we do about relationships that are difficult - in which we have conflict, distress, anger, guilt, repression or even bullying or abuse? I have found the need to take positive and firm action in some of my relationships in order to improve them and some I have had to walk away from. But most of them I have had to look inside myself to try to understand why our behaviour towards each other is relevant to me and why it may be important for us. I have learned that the best way to affect positive changes in others is by making positive changes in myself and this is why I consider the inner journey to self-understanding, self-healing and balance to be so crucial. Only very occasionally have I had to challenge people about their behaviour and only then when I know that my behaviour is right and that the relationship is very important to me. To share life and love with people and to emotionally engage with them with clear and appropriate boundaries is something that I value. But there are times when I have seen that it is okay to let someone go from my life, knowing that my positive changes have led me to this and that as i become more loving and wise I will attract other such people into my life.
If you are on a path of positive change in your life you may intend that every day you become more loving and wise and these changes may be reflected in many parts of your life. As you change, so must your relationships. People you know who are secure and flexible enough to allow, accept and welcome your changes are a blessing to you. Others may not want or like your changes and this may be due to their own fears about change. Remember that positive changes take you into a future that you probably cannot see. The only thing you know is that you will ultimately become healthier, happier, wiser and more loving but for some people who are not intent on such positive changes the future may hold fear of the unknown for them.
Being true to your ever-changing self involves a degree of understanding yourself, even if this understanding cannot be put into words but is based on deep feelings. Being true to yourself also involves having relationships that are based on truth, love, acceptance, kindness and relating on many different levels. Remember that love of the heart is accepting of people the way they are, embraces truth and is pure and beautiful. It is often confused with lower emotions that can be conditional and dependent. Emotional tugging in relationships can often say 'if you loved me you would...' whereas true love is unconditional. We know that some relationships can be based on co-dependence where each person has something that the other lacks. If we always rely on this person for what we lack, how will we ever manage to find it for ourselves?
Relationships may involve all sorts of unhealthy traits and problems but also may involve much love and kindness. For those who wish to make the necessary changes in their lives that are needed for ever greater happiness, relationships will need to be considered carefully.
Healing relationships can involve some understanding, some feeling, some action and some praying. Asking for divine help and guidance with all of your relationships is very positive. It is also good to pray for healing for all of your relationships and for insight and understanding into them.
If you want help with understanding or healing relationships, or if you want to know good methods or meditations for healing relationships then contact me.